Training #6 Homework 1

Please review the Conflict Resolution Techniques packet. When working with children at your sites, conflict resolution will become part of your daily responsibilities. Please make sure you work with your other staff members to be firm, fair and consistent with rules. Also, start thinking about how you would personally like to work with children if conflicts arise during the day between two or more children. This packet gives a lot of great techniques to try and help solve problems peacefully and effectively.
 

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Which of these methods have you personally incorporated in your experiences with children who have a conflict? Was it effective? What have you learned from this experience? How have you personally worked through communication roadblocks with conflicts?

After replying, please comment on 2 other fellow staffers' posts. Do you agree or disagree with them? Can you offer any advice on how to better manage their conflict situation?

When dealing with conflicts in my classes I often use the mediation method. I will start my class on an activity and pull the students that are having an issue to the side. I will let one them tell their side of the story without any interruptions and then I will let the other one tell their side of the story without interruptions. I then discuss with them the facts and how the situation could have been handled differently and we then try to come to a mutual solution to the problem. This solution is typically effective. I like that both people involved get a say in what happened. I have learned that in order for this method to work both people must remain calm and respectful when the other person is talking. If my method is not working I will separate the people involved and have them go somewhere by themselves and walk around or sit down so they can blow off steam and think about the situation rather than taking their aggression out on someone or something. Once I have given them time to calm down I try to go speak to each person separately to get the facts of the incident.

I have used the mediation method with the kids at work. To me, it really is the only fair way to be able to resolve the conflicts by not taking sides. It also helps me that I have taken a conflict and dispute resolution class here at Salisbury so I know different forms of conflict and how to handle each one. My motto always is that "there are two sides to every story". I use this CONSTANTLY at work. If a child comes up to me and says that Bobby hit them the first question I ask is why. This is where the child coming to you with the problem says that they do not know. My next step is to bring the other child involved over and ask them what happened. There are two sides to every story and then there is the truth. I will often ask children who were there when it happened for what they saw to get down to the bottom of the conflict. This typically works for the kids because then they know that I care about what each of them has to say. Depending on how heated the conflict may be I may have the children separate from one another and cool off before asking them to explain what happened because that typically only leads to more anger and frustration.

I agree with you completely. It is crucial that both children involved remain calm and respectful to one another while trying to mediate the conflict. Both children need to give their side of the story without being interrupted by the other child so that it is completely fair for both sides. This way the children know that you care about what they have to say and that you are giving them a chance to speak their mind and let you and the other child know how they felt about the conflict.

dallasmavs134140 wrote:
When dealing with conflicts in my classes I often use the mediation method.  I will start my class on an activity and pull the students that are having an issue to the side.  I will let one them tell their side of the story without any interruptions and then I will let the other one tell their side of the story without interruptions.  I then discuss with them the facts and how the situation could have been handled differently and we then try to come to a mutual solution to the problem.  This solution is typically effective.  I like that both people involved get a say in what happened.  I have learned that in order for this method to work both people must remain calm and respectful when the other person is talking.  If my method is not working I will separate the people involved and have them go somewhere by themselves and walk around or sit down so they can blow off steam and think about the situation rather than taking their aggression out on someone or something.  Once I have given them time to calm down I try to go speak to each person separately to get the facts of the incident.

I most often use the mediation method with the children at work. Usually bad behavior happens without any premeditation and so I find it helpful to sit the children involved down and talk it out. There's usually a reason behind every behavior whether it is an action or a reaction and so I like to give each child the chance to explain themselves and why they did what they did. I've found that this method works best when you talk to each child individually and then bring the children and their stories together to work out a solution. Sometimes when you try and speak with multiple children about an issue things get heated quickly. By isolating each child you are able to get both sides of the story in order to paint a clearer picture of what might have actually happened. In order to get closure for both the child and myself I like to ask the child why they think they're in trouble or why what they did would cause a problem. I find this helpful because it allows you a glimpse into what the child is thinking. As adults, it is sometimes hard to understand exactly why children do what they do without thinking about the consequences. Communication is key when trying to work out any conflicts and find a solution that works best.

Like you said, I think it is VERY important to remember that there are two sides to every story and then there's what actually happened. When trying to work out a conflict it is important that everyone feels that they're being heard so that the final solution appeals to everyone involved. Like I said before, I like getting each child's story individually and then bringing them together, usually this is where you see the facts come out and also where kids can get caught up in their stories. Also like you pointed out, it is important for the children to feel like we care about them and that we aren't ganging up on them even if they are in the wrong. Communication once again is key here because it is important for the kids to voice what they're feeling but also for you to have the chance to explain how we could better prevent this conflict from happening again.

flyersfan22 wrote:I have used the mediation method with the kids at work. To me, it really is the only fair way to be able to resolve the conflicts by not taking sides. It also helps me that I have taken a conflict and dispute resolution class here at Salisbury so I know different forms of conflict and how to handle each one. My motto always is that "there are two sides to every story". I use this CONSTANTLY at work. If a child comes up to me and says that Bobby hit them the first question I ask is why. This is where the child coming to you with the problem says that they do not know. My next step is to bring the other child involved over and ask them what happened. There are two sides to every story and then there is the truth. I will often ask children who were there when it happened for what they saw to get down to the bottom of the conflict. This typically works for the kids because then they know that I care about what each of them has to say. Depending on how heated the conflict may be I may have the children separate from one another and cool off before asking them to explain what happened because that typically only leads to more anger and frustration.

Remaining calm is definitely key in conflict resolution. It is often hard for kids to let someone else have a turn speaking when they're involved with a conflict but I think that separation first and then coming back together to work out a solution would be beneficial to all parties involved. Even as an adult, I find myself getting heated when I am having a discussion or an argument so I think it is important to allow the kids to cool off before trying to talk it out. Putting two angry kids back together after they've already had an issue sounds like a disaster to me and so I like your idea to let them do separate activities or go to separate locations before discussions begins.

dallasmavs134140 wrote:
When dealing with conflicts in my classes I often use the mediation method.  I will start my class on an activity and pull the students that are having an issue to the side.  I will let one them tell their side of the story without any interruptions and then I will let the other one tell their side of the story without interruptions.  I then discuss with them the facts and how the situation could have been handled differently and we then try to come to a mutual solution to the problem.  This solution is typically effective.  I like that both people involved get a say in what happened.  I have learned that in order for this method to work both people must remain calm and respectful when the other person is talking.  If my method is not working I will separate the people involved and have them go somewhere by themselves and walk around or sit down so they can blow off steam and think about the situation rather than taking their aggression out on someone or something.  Once I have given them time to calm down I try to go speak to each person separately to get the facts of the incident.

I like that you stand by the motto "there are two sides to every story". That is the best way to handle the situation. I also like that you ask why something happened, rather than just taking the one student's word for it and not investigating any further. It's always good to hear what both people have to say.

flyersfan22 wrote:I have used the mediation method with the kids at work. To me, it really is the only fair way to be able to resolve the conflicts by not taking sides. It also helps me that I have taken a conflict and dispute resolution class here at Salisbury so I know different forms of conflict and how to handle each one. My motto always is that "there are two sides to every story". I use this CONSTANTLY at work. If a child comes up to me and says that Bobby hit them the first question I ask is why. This is where the child coming to you with the problem says that they do not know. My next step is to bring the other child involved over and ask them what happened. There are two sides to every story and then there is the truth. I will often ask children who were there when it happened for what they saw to get down to the bottom of the conflict. This typically works for the kids because then they know that I care about what each of them has to say. Depending on how heated the conflict may be I may have the children separate from one another and cool off before asking them to explain what happened because that typically only leads to more anger and frustration.

I really like that you pull both people involved to the side and speak to them privately, this really does help keep the tension down. One thing that I like to do that may be helpful in the future is to ask children what they think the concequences of their actions should be and let them play a part in the decision making process for their actions.

cnewton1 wrote:I most often use the mediation method with the children at work. Usually bad behavior happens without any premeditation and so I find it helpful to sit the children involved down and talk it out. There's usually a reason behind every behavior whether it is an action or a reaction and so I like to give each child the chance to explain themselves and why they did what they did. I've found that this method works best when you talk to each child individually and then bring the children and their stories together to work out a solution. Sometimes when you try and speak with multiple children about an issue things get heated quickly. By isolating each child you are able to get both sides of the story in order to paint a clearer picture of what might have actually happened. In order to get closure for both the child and myself I like to ask the child why they think they're in trouble or why what they did would cause a problem. I find this helpful because it allows you a glimpse into what the child is thinking. As adults, it is sometimes hard to understand exactly why children do what they do without thinking about the consequences. Communication is key when trying to work out any conflicts and find a solution that works best.

When dealing with conflict with children, I have used the mediation method. It was effective because I would let both of the kids tell their side of the story to see what the problem was. When the problem is addressed I would ask them; well instead of solving it that way what else could you have done to make it not get out of hand. That sometimes works but then sometimes they just start arguing again. What I have learned through my different experiences is that you have to remain calm and understanding. When you understand where the kids are coming from it will make it easier for you to help solve the solution to make both kids understand what was wrong in the situation. If I come across a roadblock in my method I would just separate them, either go take a walk or just sit down so they can think about the situation rather it escalate to something worse. When I feel everyone is calmed down a little I would separately talk to them so they both can’t interrupted each other and I can hear both sides of the situation and what happened.

When hearing both sides of the argument without interruptions that will help make solving the problem easier. But I like how you would come up with a mutual understanding to the problem, that probably helps the kids understand that they both could have handled the situation in a different way. Also I like how you would separate them and make them go for a walk to blow off steam. That probably helps them to think about what they have done and how they could have handle the situation differently.

dallasmavs134140 wrote:
When dealing with conflicts in my classes I often use the mediation method.  I will start my class on an activity and pull the students that are having an issue to the side.  I will let one them tell their side of the story without any interruptions and then I will let the other one tell their side of the story without interruptions.  I then discuss with them the facts and how the situation could have been handled differently and we then try to come to a mutual solution to the problem.  This solution is typically effective.  I like that both people involved get a say in what happened.  I have learned that in order for this method to work both people must remain calm and respectful when the other person is talking.  If my method is not working I will separate the people involved and have them go somewhere by themselves and walk around or sit down so they can blow off steam and think about the situation rather than taking their aggression out on someone or something.  Once I have given them time to calm down I try to go speak to each person separately to get the facts of the incident.

I agree there is always two sides of the story and you will never know which one really happened if you weren't watching it the whole time. I like how you would also bring in other kids that witnessed the situation to hear there side of the story, but sometimes that could get tricky because you never know if they would be defending a friend or something to make sure they don't get in trouble. Making sure everyone is calm in the situation will help be able to solve it better and figure out what really happened.

flyersfan22 wrote:I have used the mediation method with the kids at work. To me, it really is the only fair way to be able to resolve the conflicts by not taking sides. It also helps me that I have taken a conflict and dispute resolution class here at Salisbury so I know different forms of conflict and how to handle each one. My motto always is that "there are two sides to every story". I use this CONSTANTLY at work. If a child comes up to me and says that Bobby hit them the first question I ask is why. This is where the child coming to you with the problem says that they do not know. My next step is to bring the other child involved over and ask them what happened. There are two sides to every story and then there is the truth. I will often ask children who were there when it happened for what they saw to get down to the bottom of the conflict. This typically works for the kids because then they know that I care about what each of them has to say. Depending on how heated the conflict may be I may have the children separate from one another and cool off before asking them to explain what happened because that typically only leads to more anger and frustration.

Typically when working with children who are having some type of conflict, I resort to the mediation method. This method seems to work the best for me. I like this method because both individuals are given the opportunity to tell their side of the story without interruption. Hopefully by calming down, and talking things out the campers can come to a happy medium and resolve their problems. I also like this method because it teaches the campers to develop skills they can use to solve future problems independently. On the initial day of conflict between two campers you should attempt to separate them during activities just to clear the air. The next day having a team work type of game or activity where they need to work together would be a good idea. This could help build a healthier relationship between the individuals. The green handout has a lot of conflict resolution techniques that I would like to try, if any problems arise at camp.

talvanos1 wrote:When dealing with conflict with children, I have used the mediation method. It was effective because I would let both of the kids tell their side of the story to see what the problem was. When the problem is addressed I would ask them; well instead of solving it that way what else could you have done to make it not get out of hand. That sometimes works but then sometimes they just start arguing again. What I have learned through my different experiences is that you have to remain calm and understanding. When you understand where the kids are coming from it will make it easier for you to help solve the solution to make both kids understand what was wrong in the situation. If I come across a roadblock in my method I would just separate them, either go take a walk or just sit down so they can think about the situation rather it escalate to something worse. When I feel everyone is calmed down a little I would separately talk to them so they both can’t interrupted each other and I can hear both sides of the situation and what happened.

I agree, staying calm and showing that you are understanding to both sides of the story is important. Good ideas about what you would do if you faced a roadblock with your original method.

cnewton1 wrote:I most often use the mediation method with the children at work. Usually bad behavior happens without any premeditation and so I find it helpful to sit the children involved down and talk it out. There's usually a reason behind every behavior whether it is an action or a reaction and so I like to give each child the chance to explain themselves and why they did what they did. I've found that this method works best when you talk to each child individually and then bring the children and their stories together to work out a solution. Sometimes when you try and speak with multiple children about an issue things get heated quickly. By isolating each child you are able to get both sides of the story in order to paint a clearer picture of what might have actually happened. In order to get closure for both the child and myself I like to ask the child why they think they're in trouble or why what they did would cause a problem. I find this helpful because it allows you a glimpse into what the child is thinking. As adults, it is sometimes hard to understand exactly why children do what they do without thinking about the consequences. Communication is key when trying to work out any conflicts and find a solution that works best.

I agree with having each child tell their story separately, and then bringing them back together to work out a solution. I also like how you ask the child why they think they are in trouble. Even if they give the wrong answer you can explain to them why they are in trouble.

The way in which a problem is handled mostly depends on the specific situation and its severity. Personally, I tend to make more use of the SIGEP method (stop, identify, generate, evaluate, plan) in addition to some role reversal. In my opinion, it is very important for children to realize how the other person feels in a situation. Without that understanding it is difficult for the child to want to participate in resolving the conflict, for conflict resolution revolves around interests and needs. Usually during a conflict, my first task to have all parties involved stop what they are doing and relocate if needed. In addition to this also ensuring that those who are not directly involved are not in the midst of the problem. I then encourage the kids to talk and ask questions about what happened and how it made them feel. This is normally the point at which I would not necessarily have the children "act out" the scene, but simply have them share with the other person how they feel and question the other child as to whether or not they themselves would want to feel that way. Together we then brainstorm solutions, considering everyone's idea, evaluate and then implement the plan.
Of course in reality, there is not always much time to effectively go through this process or other conflict resolution methods. This is why it can be helpful to do some role playing on a regular basis in order to show kids how to effectively solve a problem prior to conflicts occurring.

I agree with understanding where kids are coming from. I find that in a lot of situations as child caregivers, we think about how a child's behavior or situation is affecting how the day is running or how it is affecting staff members. Sometimes we forget to think like a child briefly in order to truly understand what they may be thinking at this point and how it is making them feel.

talvanos1 wrote:When dealing with conflict with children, I have used the mediation method. It was effective because I would let both of the kids tell their side of the story to see what the problem was. When the problem is addressed I would ask them; well instead of solving it that way what else could you have done to make it not get out of hand. That sometimes works but then sometimes they just start arguing again. What I have learned through my different experiences is that you have to remain calm and understanding. When you understand where the kids are coming from it will make it easier for you to help solve the solution to make both kids understand what was wrong in the situation. If I come across a roadblock in my method I would just separate them, either go take a walk or just sit down so they can think about the situation rather it escalate to something worse. When I feel everyone is calmed down a little I would separately talk to them so they both can’t interrupted each other and I can hear both sides of the situation and what happened.

A method of mediation that I have personally used with students is the mediation technique. I thought it was an effective technique in my field experiences. In my field placements I have had kids come up to me that were arguing and I have them slow down and each of them tells me what happened. After this occurs we discuss what the problem is and how we should handle it or if it should have occurred at all. From these experiences I have learned that mediation is a strong technique because I find that after we have these discussions the problems tend to stop. I have also had some students who do not listen and continue to have problems throughout the day and when this occurs we sit them down individually and talk about the problem and what we can work on to stop them problem. When road blocks occur we tend to take more time to discuss things with the students and depending on how far it goes we normally contact the parents.

When dealing with conflict, I most typically use the mediation method. I try to talk to each child separately and allow them to explain from their perspective what happened; there are always two sides to every story, so talking to them individually allows you to put the pieces of the incident together and sometimes find sources of miscommunication that lead to the conflict. If you discover miscommunication, you can explain to the kids what happened and show that the situation could have been handled differently. One of my last questions to the kids involved is always "what could you have done differently?" This way, they are forced to think about a better method of handling conflict, and hopefully resort to that if future conflicts arise. If not, you have a stepping point in conversation with them next, because you can refer back to the prior conflict's discussion.

I like your idea of using role play on a regular basis in camp, and not necessarily in the moment of conflict. Replaying the conflict immediately after it happens could in some cases re-fuel to issue. However, practicing role play on a regular basis allows everyone to be involved and may help kids realize actions they thought were acceptable are not by other kids voicing how to handle situations.

svaughan2 wrote:The way in which a problem is handled mostly depends on the specific situation and its severity. Personally, I tend to make more use of the SIGEP method (stop, identify, generate, evaluate, plan) in addition to some role reversal. In my opinion, it is very important for children to realize how the other person feels in a situation. Without that understanding it is difficult for the child to want to participate in resolving the conflict, for conflict resolution revolves around interests and needs. Usually during a conflict, my first task to have all parties involved stop what they are doing and relocate if needed. In addition to this also ensuring that those who are not directly involved are not in the midst of the problem. I then encourage the kids to talk and ask questions about what happened and how it made them feel. This is normally the point at which I would not necessarily have the children "act out" the scene, but simply have them share with the other person how they feel and question the other child as to whether or not they themselves would want to feel that way. Together we then brainstorm solutions, considering everyone's idea, evaluate and then implement the plan.
Of course in reality, there is not always much time to effectively go through this process or other conflict resolution methods. This is why it can be helpful to do some role playing on a regular basis in order to show kids how to effectively solve a problem prior to conflicts occurring.

I definitely agree with giving the kids time to cool off after a situation occurs. If they are too frustrated, they won't be thinking clearly and won't care that what they did was wrong or care to find an alternative method of handling it. A lot of kids will just start rambling about the situation when they've had a few minutes to process what happened and get calm, so you can sometimes get more information from them by waiting, and they will occasionally even come up with a resolution on their own in that time.

talvanos1 wrote:When dealing with conflict with children, I have used the mediation method. It was effective because I would let both of the kids tell their side of the story to see what the problem was. When the problem is addressed I would ask them; well instead of solving it that way what else could you have done to make it not get out of hand. That sometimes works but then sometimes they just start arguing again. What I have learned through my different experiences is that you have to remain calm and understanding. When you understand where the kids are coming from it will make it easier for you to help solve the solution to make both kids understand what was wrong in the situation. If I come across a roadblock in my method I would just separate them, either go take a walk or just sit down so they can think about the situation rather it escalate to something worse. When I feel everyone is calmed down a little I would separately talk to them so they both can’t interrupted each other and I can hear both sides of the situation and what happened.

dallasmavs134140 wrote:
When dealing with conflicts in my classes I often use the mediation method.  I will start my class on an activity and pull the students that are having an issue to the side.  I will let one them tell their side of the story without any interruptions and then I will let the other one tell their side of the story without interruptions.  I then discuss with them the facts and how the situation could have been handled differently and we then try to come to a mutual solution to the problem.  This solution is typically effective.  I like that both people involved get a say in what happened.  I have learned that in order for this method to work both people must remain calm and respectful when the other person is talking.  If my method is not working I will separate the people involved and have them go somewhere by themselves and walk around or sit down so they can blow off steam and think about the situation rather than taking their aggression out on someone or something.  Once I have given them time to calm down I try to go speak to each person separately to get the facts of the incident.

I really like this technique as well, it is one that i use in my field placement often. i think it is great to get all of the facts straight first and hear both sides of the argument especially before you address the issue with the parent possibly.

saustin1 wrote:Typically when working with children who are having some type of conflict, I resort to the mediation method. This method seems to work the best for me. I like this method because both individuals are given the opportunity to tell their side of the story without interruption. Hopefully by calming down, and talking things out the campers can come to a happy medium and resolve their problems. I also like this method because it teaches the campers to develop skills they can use to solve future problems independently. On the initial day of conflict between two campers you should attempt to separate them during activities just to clear the air. The next day having a team work type of game or activity where they need to work together would be a good idea. This could help build a healthier relationship between the individuals. The green handout has a lot of conflict resolution techniques that I would like to try, if any problems arise at camp.

I also use the mediation technique, I think it works best for me as well to hear both sides of the story and sort the problem out from there. I believe that the sheet we received at training will be very useful at summer camp as well because mediation may not work for every child or conflict that arises.

This past semester, I’ve been student teaching for physical education in an elementary school, and I’ve learned a lot about conflict resolution in a game setting. Children get very worked up during games if they feel someone else is cheating or they themselves are being cheated. For instance, if a student is running across the gym during capture the flag, and thinks he is in the safe zone when he is tagged, yet a player on the opposing team insists he is tagged, the student will get very upset. Usually, an argument occurs at that point. However, if something like this happens, I try to have a discussion with all the kids about good sportsmanship and respect. It’s no fun if someone is always complaining, and no one will want to play with someone who cheats. After this discussion, I encourage students to do rock-paper-scissors if there is an event in which they honestly don't know if the person was out or not. This speeds the game up because individual arguments don't have to come to the teacher (or counselor) directly. If children can resolve conflict on their own they will have a better chance of figuring out problems later in life. This carries over into all arguments. Many times, conflict is a result of honest mistakes or miscommunications. Learning to talk it out with the other person involved is better than immediately taking it to the “authority”. Talking to the group about sportsmanship was effective as well. In fact, asking the children about if they heard any good sportsmanship encourages them to exhibit that behavior.
I find most conflicts are a result of poor commination. If you discuss conflict using “I” statements, instead of “you” statements, conflict is usually resolved much quicker and more smoothly.

dallasmavs134140 wrote:
When dealing with conflicts in my classes I often use the mediation method.  I will start my class on an activity and pull the students that are having an issue to the side.  I will let one them tell their side of the story without any interruptions and then I will let the other one tell their side of the story without interruptions.  I then discuss with them the facts and how the situation could have been handled differently and we then try to come to a mutual solution to the problem.  This solution is typically effective.  I like that both people involved get a say in what happened.  I have learned that in order for this method to work both people must remain calm and respectful when the other person is talking.  If my method is not working I will separate the people involved and have them go somewhere by themselves and walk around or sit down so they can blow off steam and think about the situation rather than taking their aggression out on someone or something.  Once I have given them time to calm down I try to go speak to each person separately to get the facts of the incident.

I think it is great that when kids  tell their story, they tell it without interruptions. I think to when I am in an conflict and how frustrating it is to attempt to relay my feelings and thoughts if someone is interrupting me. it is vital for kids to learn how to listen without interruption and give the other person a chance to explain why they did what they did.

kjenkins3 wrote:When dealing with conflict, I most typically use the mediation method. I try to talk to each child separately and allow them to explain from their perspective what happened; there are always two sides to every story, so talking to them individually allows you to put the pieces of the incident together and sometimes find sources of miscommunication that lead to the conflict. If you discover miscommunication, you can explain to the kids what happened and show that the situation could have been handled differently. One of my last questions to the kids involved is always "what could you have done differently?" This way, they are forced to think about a better method of handling conflict, and hopefully resort to that if future conflicts arise. If not, you have a stepping point in conversation with them next, because you can refer back to the prior conflict's discussion.

"What could you have done differently?" is a great question to ask a child who was just involved in conflict. This provides a time of reflection for the child. If a child can take time to ponder what could have been done differently, the same situation in the further could be resolved in a much different way. It is so important to guide kids to a point that they are aware that they control the outcome of many incidents.